Is there someone you know who is really good at communication? What makes them so good at it?
Can you share a time when a lack of communication or poor communication caused a problem for you?
Can you describe the difference between “unwholesome talk” and communication that “builds others up”?
Jarrett and Jeanne talked about “Checking in & Checking out”, do you have any best practices for communication that you use in your relationships?
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Kathryn and Julian are used to speaking truth to each other. In fact, that’s how their friendship began. They met on a Soul City trip to El Salvador and one night across the campfire, Julian felt prompted to share some bold words with his new friend. Kathryn had just opened up about her current relationship; one that she found unfulfilling and wasn’t so sure about. Julian spoke up and said, “If you know what you want for your life, you can’t be one foot in and one foot out. If you want to grow deep in your faith but this part of your life is not letting you fully do that, then you have to make a decision.”
Speaking up worked out well for Julian – she moved on from that relationship and one month ago, he and Kathryn got engaged in the Soul City Healing Garden! Kathryn will never forget that exchange in El Salvador: “That was one of the most precious moments of my entire life, to have someone challenge and care about me that much.” Now, they are learning again and again how they can show love to one another through clear communication and vulnerability.
When Julian went through a season of great discouragement , Kathryn listened well and encouraged him to pursue therapy. “I come from a Hispanic culture where you’re not encouraged to be telling people your business… but she made it feel comfortable for me,” Julian says. “I had to renew my mind.”
And most recently, Julian communicated to Kathryn that he wanted her to slow down the pace of her life. It was hard to hear this at first. She remembers, “In my head, I was like – ‘You don’t understand. I have to keep going!’” But Kathryn listened and is now taking steps to eliminate hurry and work towards greater presence.
They both point to their commitment to read the Bible and devotionals together as a tool that is helping them learn to communicate well. Kathryn says, “It allows the Holy Spirit to speak to us through each other. That’s amazing to me!”
Like any couple, they still get their wires crossed from time to time. “It’s easy to talk to each other but that doesn’t mean we always say exactly what we want to say! We’re both very emotional people,” Kathryn shares. When things get heated, Julian always comes back to the same commitment: “Say what you feel and we can go from there.”
This week, in your relationships, take time to CHECK IN & CHECK OUT.
CHECK IN (with yourself)
Check in PHYSICALLY and EMOTIONALLY. What is going on in your body, in your mind, in your heart, and in your soul right now?
CHECK OUT (with your partner
Ask “I was wondering if you are open to sharing with me what’s going on with you?”
“I want to check out how you are feeling about (Fill In The Blank)?”
“I want to check out if there is anything going on inside of you that you want to share with me”?
Check out what is going on with others around you.
The book of Proverbs is a deep source of wisdom for all areas of life, but especially communication. Read and reflect on the following verses..
“To answer before listening–that is folly and shame.”
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
“A fool’s mouth lashes out with pride, but the lips of the wise protect them.”
“A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.”
“Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”
When life gets hard, our Pastoral Care team is available to talk and pray.
Sunday through Thursday, from 9a – 9p, Pastoral Care is just a phone call away.
Reach out to us at 312-252-3062.
A quick message for those joining us in person this weekend:
Recently, the CDC shared new guidelines for wearing face masks in public and in indoor settings to promote safety in areas with substantial risks of transmission. Therefore, we are requiring that masks are worn while in the building on Sundays.
We are continuously reviewing the CDC guidelines and what our next steps will be – as your safety remains our priority.
